


Deserving

by BlueWall (MsMrs)



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: College, F/F, First Time, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Making Out, One Shot, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 01:38:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17909543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMrs/pseuds/BlueWall
Summary: Two girls alone in the big city. A secret revealed.





	Deserving

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I've only done Byler under this pseud so far, but I kinda feel there's a shamefully small supply of Elmax smut on this site, so I'm here to provide some. I might add a second chapter to this. Who knows.

The first time it happened was right after they had finally finished unpacking. The apartment wasn‘t something anyone would actually choose. More of a place that people rented out of necessity. As it should be for a young person‘s first own place. Max and El had made it.

 

And while El felt the full gravity of their accomplishment (holy shit, they were going to college!), Max didn‘t appear to enjoy all this too much. She had been enthusiastic enough when they both got into the same college, meaning they wouldn‘t have to try and navigate their way through a long-distance relationship. Now, though, she had become a somewhat moody version of herself. Not the sassy, quick-witted Max Mayfield El had gotten to know and love. She was suddenly quiet and subdued, barely touching her dinner.

 

El, trying to play over her own mild homesickness, smiled softly. „You okay, Max?“

 

„Hm.“ the other girl hummed. „Sure. I‘m good. Just tired.“

 

That made sense. Getting all their stuff from Hawkins to New York had been no less than a hassle. And then there was the fact that this was New York in the first place. Not sunny California like Max had probably hoped.

 

El sighed around her slice of pizza and leaned back a bit further into their patched up couch. The tiny TV was displaying some generic soap opera with its washed-out colors. „At least we got a balcony.“

 

„What...“ Max quietly questioned. „Y-you don‘t like it? I mean-“

 

„Max, I love it.“ El shook her head. „I just kinda thought you don‘t. ‘cause, y‘know.“

 

It was Max‘s turn to sigh then. „Told you, I‘m just tired. Promise, I love this place. Because it‘s ours, right?“

 

„Right. You... you wanna...?“

 

„Sure. C‘mere. Love you, Ellie.“

 

„Love you too.“ El whispered under her breath.

 

Max opened up her arms for El to fall against her. Arms wrapped draped each other, they spent their first night away from home on the couch, Max being El‘s anchor of safety in a place where there was no dad, no Joyce and no Party to lean on. Just the two of them.

 

 

**\--------------------**

 

 

The feeling that something was wrong didn‘t leave El during the two weeks they had to themselves before the start of classes. And it surely didn‘t leave her once she found herself overwhelmed by textbooks, assignments, classes and the stress of trying to find her way through adulthood. It felt just like that nagging little thing had been pushed to the back of her mind for a while, waiting to catch up once the routine would settle in.

 

And, just like that, it did come back to her in time. It was a Wednesday night, more than half the week was already over, and for the first time El really felt like she had it all in order. Two months into this first semester, she finally felt confident enough to actually believe she might make it through all this.

 

Confident enough to be a little bit daring, even. Naturally, she parted her lips once she had straddled Max and their kisses became slightly more heated. Max followed suit, and soon their tongues were entangled and dancing around one another, hot and wet and begging for more. El moaned into their endless kisses. Until they did end.

 

Max gently but insistently pushed at El‘s shoulders, who found herself with both hands low on Max‘s sides once the red-haired girl had brought some distance between them. Oh.

 

„Hey, Ellie.“ Max uttered, avoiding El‘s eyes. „Look, I... I don‘t feel too good.“

 

„Wanna stop?“ El asked, slight disappointment hidden behind honest worry. They had been at it for about three years now, kissing, making out, but never more than that. At some point Max would always stop things. And while El sincerely wished for more, she loved Max. So much that it didn‘t really matter so long as they could be together. Hold each other close at night, during the day, whenever they found the time.

 

„Guess I kinda just ate something funny today.“ Max went on. „That bagel seemed fishy from the beginning. Just... cuddle?“ She raised her eyes with those wide-blown pupils, and El was sure she was going to melt right then and there. Of course they cuddled. But El still felt they were far from fine.

 

 

**\--------------------**

 

 

The final straw came a few weeks later. Or maybe it came over the course of a few weeks, with things between Max and El getting worse by the day. The distance was the first thing El noticed. The coldness that rivaled even the crackling air of an impending New York winter. Max turned away from her at night, for a start. The gap between them on the couch grew from non-existent to almost hand‘s width. They still kissed goodbye in the morning and greeted each other with a small peck at night, but that was about it.

 

No more whispering, no more hushed love confessions during the night. And worst of all, by now El was constantly painfully aware of the fact that Max was suffering terribly. It even dominated her thoughts during class, during homework, and that wasn‘t a small problem. She found it increasingly hard to focus on anything but one thought; It must have been _her_ fault. And that stopped her from speaking up.

 

Maybe Max was just too nice to say it, too careful not to hurt El, but her behavior still made it clear that El was doing something wrong. Some days were still okay. But okay was far from good. They just rarely talked anymore, and somewhere along the way, El had even stopped trying to initiate anything. Their rare kisses were more of a custom than honest by now. And worst of all, they didn‘t talk. ‚How was your day?‘. No, there was none of that anymore.

 

Tonight the two of them were more or less staring at their bowls of instant noodles and the feasible tension was building up to leave a coil in El‘s stomach that was ready to burst any second. „So...“ she sighed. „Learn a lot today? Journalism stuff?“

 

„Uh, what?“ Max looked up, confused, spoon still lying on the table unused. „Sure. Journalism stuff.“

 

Silence fell back over the tiny kitchen that barely provided enough room for two people at the table. Seconds passed in suspense, before Max asked „You too?“

 

„Yeah. Had a good day.“ El nodded, biting her lip. She didn‘t look at her girlfriend at first, but she could somehow feel the frown framed by Max‘s fiery hair. „Max?“

 

„El?“

 

„Something‘s wrong.“

 

Max took a sharp inhale. „Aren‘t you feeling well? I could fix you a hot water bottle and-“

 

„That‘s not it.“ El interjected. „I mean, wrong with both of us. Or between us, I don‘t know.“

 

Max fell silent again, and when El raised her gaze, she found her girlfriend chewing on the inside of her own cheek before finally nodding. „Yeah.“ she pressed out.

 

„And will you tell me what it is?“ El asked softly. „Because I really got no idea.“

 

„I- I don‘t know how.“ It took Max a few seconds to steady herself. „It‘s just so hard.“

 

El, fumbling with her own spoon, decided to ask the question that has been bugging her for weeks. „Do you think this was a mistake? Living together?“

 

„Things were easier back in Hawkins, huh?“ Max mumbled.

 

„What‘s that supposed to mean?“

 

„I mean I could run away.“ The words weren‘t making a whole lot of sense to El, but she chose to listen. „Tell you stuff like ‚I have to go home or I‘m gonna be in trouble‘. But I got no place else in New York.“

 

„So you _do_ think it was a mistake.“ El groaned, the bitterness in her voice out of control. „I-Is this it? Are we breaking up?“

 

„No!“ Max all but shouted. „I love you! I was just... I have to avoid you sometimes.“

 

„Then tell me what‘s wrong!“ El demanded in an equally sharp tone. „Max, I can‘t focus on anything anymore. Just tell me what I‘m doing wrong!“

 

„You‘re not doing anything wrong!“ Max returned. „Don‘t you get it, it‘s me! I can‘t give you what you need!“

 

El was really growing tired. She just wasn‘t in the mood for riddles. „Tell me!“ she pleaded. „Max, I can‘t stand this!“

 

One, two seconds of silence passed, in which Max buried her face in her hands. The words came out with desperation and shame. „I‘ve never had an orgasm. Okay?“

 

„Okay...“ El said, before she even had a chance to grasp the words. Max had never had an orgasm. That was so far beyond anything El would have imagined, she had absolutely no idea what this information had to do with anything.

 

„Okay?“ Max hissed. „What‘s okay about that? Ellie, I know you want more, but I can‘t. I mean, how am I supposed to make you feel good if I can‘t even... can‘t...“ Her voice gave in then.

 

And El pretty much had to pick her girlfriend up from where she was sitting, slumped over her bowl. Things were starting to make sense now, at least. Especially how Max always tended to pull away when things got too heated between them. And, yes, thinking about it now she‘d long had a tendency to go home, simply disappear, whenever that happened in Hawkins.

 

El guided Max from the kitchen over to the couch. By then her entire body was shook by sobs that didn‘t make a sound at all. El left her only hesitantly, and only for a few seconds, to quickly return with the bottle of wine they of course shouldn‘t have had. But hey, this was New York, and usually Max was bold enough to easily get her hands on alcohol.

 

El poured each of them a plastic cup. For one, they didn‘t own any fancy glasses anyways, and then there were Max‘s shaking hands. Having something to hold already had a soothing effect on both, and when El finally, after what felt like weeks, got to feel her girlfriend‘s body heat again, she could shed all those terrible thoughts of breakup and being alone. Sniffing, Max nuzzled into the skin of her neck in between sips from her cup.

 

After waiting a few minutes for things to settle down a little, El pressed a few soft pecks to her girlfriend‘s temples. „You could‘ve told me. Do you really think that‘s a reason for me to leave?“

 

„Dunno.“ Max mumbled, still shaking slightly.

 

„And do you know why you‘ve never...“ El trailed off, finding it hard to actually say it.

 

„You tell me.“ Max sighed. „You‘re the psychology major. It just never worked for me. I mean, I tried. Maybe I just think I don‘t deserve it or something. Whatever.“

 

„Our subconscious can be a bitch.“ El nodded, coaxing a dry laugh out of Max. She knew things like these happened to some, but personally couldn‘t quite understand it. For some reason, she‘d always had it easy in that regard. Maybe because it had started early. Her means of calming herself as a child, when all she could see were tiles, cold and white. Or worse, hours upon hours of darkness when Papa wasn‘t pleased with her.

 

The bad men had owned her. Just not this part of her. This had been her own. Not all of her body had been theirs, and she‘d found comfort in that.

 

El had only understood the true meaning of it much later. Back at the cabin, when she had learned that it was a sex-thing. Something you did in private. Now, El had a hard time believing that she had been able to make herself feel good for years while Max had never gotten to feel any of that. But for once, the other girl didn‘t pull away when El‘s hand gently stroked across her side.

 

„I can help you.“ she offered.

 

„I don‘t know.“

 

„Whenever you‘re ready. Tomorrow. Next year. I‘ll be there, Maxie. Or we just never talk about this again, if you want.“

 

And while her words sent Max into another crying fit, El felt like things were looking up. They emptied the bottle of wine that night in a tight embrace they didn‘t break on their way to the bedroom. One that lasted until the early morning hours.

 

 

**\--------------------**

 

 

Things quickly went back to normal. Well, as normal as they had been in Hawkins, anyways. Because a lesbian couple couldn‘t really be considered normal, not here, not there, probably not anywhere. But they got by, and with Max‘s secret revealed, there was no reason to let the cold distance that had ruled their relationship for weeks take over again.

 

El found Max pacing the apartment one night. Afternoon, actually. It was a cold Thursday, and at around 4pm it was already dark out. Dark and white. This week‘s remaining classes had been canceled due to fears that the students could become snowed in. El had never seen a blizzard like this, but as old and, in places, run down this apartment building was, the heating worked. Mercifully.

 

Max basically deflated, all but collapsing due to sheer relief. „Thank god you made it!“ she gasped. They had last seen each other for lunch when the snow had first started.

 

„How long have you been home?“

 

„About an hour.“ Max closed in on her. „I was so worried, I-“ She was interrupted by her own shriek when El quickly pressed both frozen hands to her cheeks, giggling.

 

Their kiss was short but tinged with bubbly laughter. „We got enough supplies for the weekend, right?“ El asked.

 

„We‘re fine.“ Max assured her. „C‘mon, we gotta warm you up. How about you take a shower and I make a pot of tea, huh?“

 

„Sounds lovely.“ El smiled. „Be right back.“ Carelessly she dropped her bag and coat in the corner and hurried for the bathroom. The hot water felt absolutely weird on her icy-cold skin. A tingling sensation spread all over her body as her limbs finally came back to life. It was like actually feeling the blood rushing through her veins and to keep this feeling up, El fiddled to turn up the heat a few times.

 

She only stepped out when her skin was pink and tender to the touch. A few minutes longer and she could have probably passed as medium rare. The prospect of getting to wear comfortable sweatpants, an oversized shirt and her thickest pair of fluffy socks was spreading more warmth through her entire body when she walked the small distance from the bathroom over to their shared bedroom with the towel wrapped around her.

 

El didn‘t get that far, though. „Ellie?“ Max‘s voice chimed from the living room when she passed it.

 

„Yeah?“ She found Max just standing there, steaming hot teapot in the coffee table behind her.

 

„Just... just wanted to see you.“

 

„I‘m here.“ El said, perplexed.

 

„I know.“ Max closed in. Just one step. And El remained standing in the doorframe, smiling curiously. Max took another step, and because the apartment was just _that_ small, they were face to face then.

 

„You okay?“

 

Max didn‘t answer, instead just choosing to look at El with her bottom lip tugged under her teeth. Her hands came forward slowly. El realized her girlfriend was giving her the opportunity to back away. She didn‘t. So the towel finally fell with a thump and Max‘s hands dropped back to her sides, limp.

 

„It‘s okay.“ El shushed when Max kept on staring in her eyes nervously. „You can look.“ She felt oddly confident, and being naked as the day she was born while Max remained clothed didn‘t make her blush in the slightest. Still, El wished she could see Max too. Heat began pooling in the pit of her stomach.

 

„Bedroom.“ Max croaked, after taking a good look. „Please.“

 

El led the way, unable to stop herself from swinging her hips. She knew exactly where Max‘s gaze was resting. The bedroom was warm, but the sheets cool and fresh. El made a pile from all their pillows and blankets so they could sit against the headboard comfortably. She fell into the sheets next to Max. No haste or pressure. If Max needed time to get comfortable, she‘d get that time.

 

A few times she made attempts at pulling off her shirt, only to hesitantly lay her hands back into her lap. „S-Sorry.“

 

„Hey.“ El whispered. „Remember when we went to the community pool for the first time?“

 

„Kinda?“ Max questioned. „Why?“

 

„Dad wouldn‘t let me get a bikini. Just that one-piece bathing suit. Remember?“

 

Max nodded.

 

„Yeah, but you had a bikini. White with blue spots. And, y‘know, I didn‘t really understand what I was feeling when I saw you in it, but I think I kinda thought you looked sexy. And I think I wanted you t-to take it off.“

 

A sigh later, Max found the confidence to slide her shirt off. She wasn‘t wearing a bra and just like that El was absolutely blown away. The sight was everything she had always imagined. Perfectly rounded breasts with pink nipples pointing slightly up. Inviting her to do god knows what with them.

 

„You‘re so beautiful.“ El murmured, completely enchanted.

 

„Y-You too.“ Max gasped. „Can you...“

 

„Can I what?“ El breathed back. „Tell me what you need.“

 

Max whimpered when El‘s hot breath met her neck. „Touch me. Please, Ellie, I don‘t know how.“

 

El didn‘t need another word to carefully, but with firm confidence, cup Max‘s breast, with her thumb giving a flick to her nipple. It made her whimper into the hand she quickly clasped over her mouth. „What have you tried so far?“ El inquired carefully.

 

„A lot.“ Max sighed. „And sometimes it even felt good. Until it just stopped.“

 

El knew there were expectations involved in this. She knew she‘d feel like hell if she couldn‘t make Max cum tonight. But none of that actually held her back or made her confidence waver. She knew how to handle herself well enough. Gently she stroked both her girlfriend‘s nipples until Max‘s head fell back, spreading flaming hair on their white sheets.

 

„That‘s right.“ El praised. „Relax. I‘m gonna help you.“ There was still one barrier between them; The light blue pair of boxer shorts Max was wearing. As soon as El began tugging at the waistband, Max raised up slightly to allow her to pull them off.

 

El smirked. She was greeted by more flames. „Perfect.“ she soothed. „Perfect, Maxie. Close your eyes, can you do that for me?“

 

When Max closed her eyes, her arms instinctively began searching for something to hold on to. They found El in time and wrapped around her. „Please!“ she begged once again.

 

El whispered softly to her. „We‘re gonna take it slow. It‘s not something you force. It just happens, y‘know. If you let it happen. Do you want to let it happen?“

 

„I want it so much, Ellie.“ Max groaned in desperation, while El went back to love her nipples with one hand, while the other lay flat on her toned stomach. The scent of arousal soon hung over them, and El couldn‘t tell which part of it was her own, and which was Max‘s.

 

She really just did with Max what she usually did with herself when she wanted to get off. When she used just two fingers to run across her girlfriend‘s slick folds, pressing in only slightly, she knew she was doing it right. Max bucked her hips with a low moan falling from her.

 

„This good?“ El asked.

 

„Hmm...“ Max whined in response.

 

„You deserve it. You deserve to feel good. You deserve this...“ El gave each nipple a tiny little pinch. „You deserve this...“ She put a third finger to Max‘s core. „And you deserve this...“ With precision, her thumb pressed down on her girlfriend‘s center of pleasure for the first time. The reaction El got was simply delicious. Every muscle in the redhead‘s body tensed as small, clear drops began trickling from underneath her closed eyelids. And god, the noises she made. If El didn‘t see Max, she would have mistaken it for faint crying. Well, maybe it was in a way. In a good way.

 

She never even once stopped, just varying speed and intensity of her lovemaking like she would do on herself to draw everything out for a while. Wet heat was running down her hand by now, all slick and on fire. The same as between her own thighs, but that was a matter she‘d deal with later.

 

„Know what the best part about orgasms is, Maxie?“ she whispered into her girlfriend‘s ear to distract herself more.

 

„Hm...?“ was all she got as a response.

 

„Sometimes you cum so hard, I mean, so damn hard, you actually forget your own name. Or you go blind for a second with all these white spots in front of your eyes, and then your limbs feel like pudding. It‘s the best feeling you can get. Better than having Eggo Extravaganza while skateboarding down a hill. And you know what else?“

 

„W-what?“ Max pressed out, rocking herself against El‘s fingers in the rhythm they have found together.

 

„It‘s easy to have one if you just let go. Do you wanna let go now, love?“ El asked this, instinctively sensing that it wouldn‘t take much more to push Max over.

 

And as if to prove her right, Max cried out „Y-Yes, I want it!“ Her body went limp for maybe the fraction of a moment before she suddenly pulled her legs up with a shout. El felt Max‘s embrace tighten to a point where it was almost painful, and while her hand was now trapped between her girlfriend‘s thighs, she continued with light strokes, all while whispering sweet praise to guide Max through this release that must have ended years of tension and frustrating attempts.

 

She realized eventually that she‘d have to stop at some point to let Max come down, so she gently tugged her hand out of the grip of the redhead‘s thighs to instead reciprocate the embrace. An embrace needed sorely. It took maybe ten seconds of heavy breathing after the last wave of her first ever orgasm had subsided, and Max was crying her eyes out pitifully.

 

Face hidden, pressed against El‘s bare shoulder, she heaved with every wet sob that tore through her body. „Hey, Maxie. Look at me?“ El pleaded. Max did, eyes swollen and puffy. Because it felt like the right thing to say in this all too vulnerable moment, El shushed „You‘re not weak, love.“

 

„M‘not?“

 

„No. You are not weak.“ El repeated, punctuating every word. „Never let anyone tell you otherwise. You‘re strong and beautiful and I love you. Okay?“

 

„Yeah.“

 

„Okay?“

 

„Yeah. Really. Love you too.“

 

They might have spent an hour like that. Maybe more. Leaning on the pile of pillows and bed sheets, bathing in each others‘ warmth, skin on skin like they never had before. They watched the white glow from the streetlights down below reflect in the window that was now beginning to freeze over on the outside.

 

But even the most comfortable silence had to be broken at some point. El felt a shameless grin creep across her lips when Max asked „What about you?“

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment, please? I'd really appreaciate that, no matter what you have to say. I hope you found this cute and soft and hot and whatever.


End file.
